beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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