I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
