im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
