Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
