My room smells like vodka and shame
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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