I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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