Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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