Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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