just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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