"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
