brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I would fuck him just for his dog
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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