we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
