I wanna passion pit in your ass
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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