i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
