My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i came on her dog
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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