i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
