Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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