Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
COCAINE IS GR8
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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