Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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