Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
