you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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