So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i now understand why vodka
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
