I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
