so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
