Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
