My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
