My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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