I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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