So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
