the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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