Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
