I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
