Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
