i need an iv and a liver transplant
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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