Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ttyl tear gas
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
