Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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