I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
