can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
