well I can't set my house on fire every night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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