just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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