how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
