Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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