I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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