1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
