he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He better not be in your backpack
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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