Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
