Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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