what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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