Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
