Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
