i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
