Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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