I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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